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Many parents find it hard to go back to work after having children
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Dr Kerry Sweeney
Reboot and Return founders Lisa Strutt and Sinead Sharkey-Steenson
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Dr Kerry Sweeney and Sinead Sharkey-Steenson
Dr Kerry Sweeney, consultant child clinical psychologist at Kingsbridge Private Hospital
How can parents who are returning to work prepare and support their children emotionally through this process?
Preparing to go back to work after a lengthy period of maternity/paternity leave can be daunting for many reasons. I have returned to work after each of my three children, so I understand the worries and preparation involved.
We worry how our babies will manage and indeed how we will manage without them.
However, with high-quality care from a small number of additional care givers, babies and toddlers will thrive.
The phrase: ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ can be reassuring for parents returning to work; children benefit greatly from high-quality care provided by family members, child minders and nurseries.
The following are some points which may help with your preparation to return to work.
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Take care of yourself
I have purposely highlighted this first as it is so important that parents take care of themselves emotionally, as this is the foundation for responsive parenting.
We need to think carefully about our work-life balance, to ensure we support our own emotional regulation/well-being.
This helps us to be emotionally available for our children during this transition back to work and beyond.
The importance of connection
Children’s attachment development is key in the first three years of life and their experiences hard-wire their brain.
Children are most receptive to emotional, social and educational development when they are safe and stimulated.
Choose high-quality care for your child where there are fewer adults caring for your child.
A childminder or family carer naturally reduces the number of care givers, and most nurseries will be mindful of the need for staff stability when providing care to your child.
A daily routine is important, which involves both stimulating/developmental activities but also calm, nurturing time.
At home, ensure there is plenty of time in the evening for calm, nurturing connections and stimulating, fun activities with your child when you are off work with them.
Development occurs in the safety of these key, healthy relationships.
Ensuring you plan plenty of family time is important. Meals around the kitchen table allow for connection and communication. Routines and consistency help us all feel better regulated and in control.
Consistent routines around mealtimes, bedtimes and family time help with children’s emotional safety and regulation.
[Consider] a parenting attitude of PACE, which was developed by clinical psychologist Dan Hughes; playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy can be so helpful in relationship/attachment development.
As babies develop into toddlers, try to help your child figure out how to make sense of what they are experiencing in any aspect of their life, using acceptance, curiosity and empathy.
Playfulness enables relationships to grow and develop and helps a child feel special.
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Dr Kerry Sweeney
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Sensory-regulating activities enhance emotional regulation
Children are soothed by nurturing care at home and within their day-care setting.
Considering sensory regulation is of utmost importance, as this is key for emotional and physical regulation.
Your day-care provider should encourage familiar soft toys and possibly blankets to be brought with your baby/toddler.
The smell, touch and sight of these familiar items can be soothing for children. They should also discuss your child’s established routine and help to adhere to this during the day, which will also enhance your child’s regulation.
It is also important that the care provider can support your child to engage in a range of physically regulating activities.
Babies and children should be able to go outdoors to explore, play and take part in a range of activities, which can reduce anxiety, improve emotional wellbeing and social interaction.
Encouragement for children to take part in a range of activities and support to try new things is important.
Introductions
Whoever you choose to care for your child should provide a transition phase to gradually help your child build up to the time they will spend in this environment.
They should provide reassurance and communicate openly with you about your child, how the transition phase is going and ideas to improve this if you have concerns.
Most babies and toddlers settle quickly into their new day-care setting and this provides much-needed reassurance for parents who are also settling into their new work routine.
Dr Kerry Sweeney offers this therapeutic model and other models for children, teenagers and families through Kingsbridge Maypole Clinic in Holywood. Appointments and enquiries can be made by contacting Kingsbridge Private Hospital or calling 028 9066 7878
Sinead Sharkey-Steenson, career and leadership coach, founder of Generation Women and co-founder of Reboot And Return
Whether you’re thinking of going back to work after maternity leave or an extended break, you probably have a lot of emotions and fears, as well as things to be excited about.
When you’ve been out of the workplace for an extended period it can feel like a big step to return.
You may be struggling to identify with ‘work you’.
Your identity shifts a lot when you are parenting full time or caring for others.
Recognise that this is all normal and you’re not the only person to feel like this. It can be helpful to join an online community so that you can share experiences with others.
Something to remember is that anyone who starts a new job in a new company will have to learn their processes and procedures — nobody goes in ready to go.
And what will happen is you’ll learn really quickly and soon will forget that you ever had a gap.
What do you really want?
Take time to think about what you really want. This could be an opportunity to make a change.
Whether you’re going back to the same career or making a change, it can be useful to map out your past roles on a time line.
For each role, identify what you loved about it (your drivers) and what you found a struggle or negative about it (your drainers).
Reflecting on your drivers and drainers alongside your skills can really help you identify your future direction of travel.
It can be really helpful to take these insights and do searches on job sites for those key words to see what comes up.
And definitely chat to others about your ideas and ask about what roles they think would suit you.
The trip down Memory Lane will also help remind you that you’ve a lot to offer.
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Reboot and Return founders Lisa Strutt and Sinead Sharkey-Steenson
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Making connections
Reach out to people and ask for help. We can think of ‘networking’ as a dirty word, but really it’s about connecting with others and giving and getting support.
Most people love to help and if you ask someone who doesn’t, move on and ask someone else.
When people know that you want to return to work and what you are thinking of doing, they’ll be able to look out for opportunities for you too.
Look at the bigger picture
Something we see time and time again is people getting really hung up on their career gap… We have a saying: ‘You are not your gap.’
The break you’ve taken is only one part of your story. Think about (and write down) all the strengths, knowledge, experiences and achievements you bring from your past career.
And also remember you’ve done lots of growing and learning during your gap. How might this make you a more valuable employee?
When it comes to your CV and interview, it’s something you may mention once, but really your job is to demonstrate what you bring, not to highlight what you think you’re missing.
Consider taking a course
Doing a few courses can go a long way to building your confidence and showing your intention to return. If you’re thinking of going back into tech, there are lots of free courses on platforms such as Google, LinkedIn and Udemy.
Also check out what your local council has on offer. You don’t have to get a whole new qualification to make a change, think about the skills you have that will transfer to other contexts.
It’s also worth looking at returner programmes and skills academies run by larger companies that give you a chance to learn and build some experience and may even offer a permanent position at the end.
And remember…
Be careful about underselling yourself.
It’s really common for women to return to work at a much lower level than their experience and qualifications.
You don’t need to start again because you’ve taken a break.
Experience shows us that career returners are some of the most valuable people a business can have: they’re hard working, loyal and happy to be back to work.
A business would be lucky to have you, so make sure you’re going for something worthy of you, in a company that values you.
Sinead Sharkey-Steenson is the co-founder of Reboot And Return with Lisa Strutt. They are passionate about supporting women back to the workplace after a career break. They help women confidently return and help businesses open their eyes to returner talent. [email protected]
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